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魚による死
“sakana niyoru shi” (Death by Fish)

I love to swim, but I have to admit that every time I’m in the ocean or a lake, I do wonder if something’s gonna bite my legs, or worse, pull me under. Fact is, there are a lot of ways fish can do you in (and I’m not just talking about getting slapped too hard by a large trout), but let’s start with the basics:

Eating You

More than just another horror b-movie, “b” standing for horror “blood” and horror “boobs”, Piranha did for piranhas what Jaws did for the Great White, bringing animal terror into popular culture. That they travel in schools multiplies an already impressive showing of razor sharp teeth in a typical piranha mouth.

Watch a piranha gnash through a pencil in the nice educational video below:

Maybe even more frightening is the adult Snakehead, not afraid to attack humans either. Growing up to three feet long, these bastards can crawl on land and survive for up to 4 days. If they do appear in a lake near you, it’s the rest of the lake’s marine life you should be worried about - entire lakes have been poisoned just to get rid of them.

Choking You Out

In 2003, a Cambodian teenager caught a spiky fish called a Kantrorb, which leapt out of his hands and into his mouth, loding itself in his throat. He choked, and died. Then, in July 2005, a Malaysian boy caught a Climbing Perch that did the same thing: leapt from his hands into his throat in ultimate taking-you-down-with-me ninja-fish style.

Poisoning You

The chokers kill as they’re dying, but the poisoners can even kill after death. Thinking he was immune to the poison inside, Japanese actor Bando Mitsugoro VIII died after he ate toxic livers from the Puffer fish. “Delicious yet potentially deadly” does attract some types (not me), with a danger = sweeter principle that applies better with Russian Bond girls.

Considered a delicacy (especially in Japan), Fugu has to be prepared carefully - a chef undergoes 2-3 years of training to be able to cook and serve it safe. “Death by Puffer Fish” has established itself as a resilient cultural meme - at least as far as the Simpsons barometer goes. One of the more memorable near-death-of-Homer episodes, he was told he had a day to live after a replacement chef botched the cooking.

Stinging You

The Crocodile Hunter wasn’t the first to be killed by the barbed spine of a stingray, much as he was maybe the highest profile. They’re not known to attack humans, but if you hang around an animal’s super-deadly weapons enough, you start to face some risk. Same thing happened to an Australian woman in March of this year.